The Summer Book

By now (or very soon), your college may send you The Summer Book, typically a current novel or creative non-fiction account, with instructions to read it by Freshman Orientation, and to arrive, fresh and scrubbed-face, ready to discuss, in small groups, its merits, or lack thereof.
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Both Ms. Snark and The Professor recommend that you take your book with you on vacation, go to the beach, kick up your feet, and read it, for it is usually a very engaging book, and you will have a chance to impress some of your future professors with your vast knowledge, wit, and élan.
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Best Wishes,
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Ms. Snark and The Professor

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A Note on Classroom Rigor

If you want to know why most of your your professors insist on classroom rigor, even if lapses don't cost them anything in terms of livelihood, this post at Rate Your Students ought to reveal some insight for you.

The Pofessor's take on this issue appears in this post, but she also agrees wholeheartedly with the other posters, so it hardly matters who posted what.

The Professor

Breaking News! Cunster.com

The Professor is proud to announce the word "cunster" as an integral part of Ms. Snark's lexicon; she shall incorporate this word into her future posts.

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For now, http://www.cunster.com/ will remain on a construction page, although it may eventually be parked on a for-profit advertising page, should traffic warrant it. This blog does involve much labor and some expense.

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Assigned meaning of "cunster" (n.): a student who employs dishonest measures--copying from another student, cheating of any kind, plagiarizing, bribery, lying, blackmail--to acquire undeserved and unearned high grades. The prefix "cun" refers to "cunning" and "conning," pejorative modifiers, describing a scheming and conniving person who resorts to tricks to deceive for personal gain, either higher monetary and/or social status. The suffix "ster" creates a noun with shady connotations. "Cunster" joins other wordplay words, such as trickster, jokester, punster, and scamster.

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Interestingly, the German word for "artist" is "kunst," although The Professor was not mulling over this possibility when she grabbed "cunster" (She could not obtain conster dot com, and she refuses to chase after dot com resellers). Upon reflecting, she has come to realize that the "cun" prefix is, for her purposes, a better fit anyway, for "cunst" could actually refer to the "art of the con."

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One caveat: please do not mistake "cunster" for that other word, sexual in nature, that demeans women; someone else owns that domain name.

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Alas, Ms. Snark was quite mistaken when she claimed that The Professor coined the word; "cunster" is actually an 18th century word, meaning "to construe." "Cunster" can be found in Tobias Smollett's 1771 novel The Expedition of Humphrey Clinker:

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--------------- "...when we can cunster

--------------- the crabbidst buck off hand

--------------- and spell the ethnitch vords ..."

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The Professor does not subscribe to the French Academy practice of keeping language static. She adores the idea that words in the English language are constantly shifting in their meanings.

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Ms. Snark shall return tomorrow with some witticisms.

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The Professor

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A Coined Word (TBA) and dot com Domains

The Professor is full of delightful ideas lately and has coined a most amusing word to describe student scam artists.

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With her permission, I have appropriated the word and even snagged the dot com domain for it, which will surely become an integral part of the lexicon. As soon as the name propagates across the web, I shall reveal this wondrous and apropos word and will use it exclusively in my future posts to refer to the kind of student that you, dear reader, are striving to become--not!

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As most of you are well aware, most of the generic dot com domains have been snapped up by domainers and cybersquatters--on small scale, I plead guilty to this, although, I must admit, I am not making money on my paltry non-generic domains, none of which will attract browser box type-ins.

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My domain MsSnark.com does have a certain panache about it, but it (along with its other top level domain extensions) actually points to this blog, which is not a money maker.

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The Professor has been reading up on domaining, and is quite shocked at the way young people have been making scads of money by parking their domains and allowing businesses to advertise on their parked (inactive) domains. If you, I, and The Professor knew how to do this and owned intuitive dot com names that web surfers would likely type into the URL box, then we could all close up shop and flee to the Cayman Islands.

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But, alas, we all arrived too late at the domain game: I and The Professor because we were too slow (and busy doing other things, like studying hard and teaching young minds who would later become filthy rich domainers) and you because most of you were in diapers when these thirty-somethings were hogging up all the good names.

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So it's not your fault that you arrived late to the domain business.

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Karma will get these x'ers; who knows what awful things their children will do to them, like hog up Moon and Mars acreage and celestial airwaves?

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On the subject of domains: while I do not recommend getting into domaining (unless you know what you are doing tech-wise and have a huge bankroll to buy expensive generic domain names from domain resellers), I and The Professor recommend the following:

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If you can, get a dot com in your own name, even if you must include your middle initial or even entire middle name. Do it.

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Do it now.

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Go to a domain registrar, such as Yahoo!, that allows you to easily redirect your domain to your blog or forum (or even your personal school web page) and is easily edited if you change your mind. You should not have to jump through hoops to edit your domain redirect. Search for registrant information first, before checking Whois (or through your potential domain registrant) for your particular (and, hopefully, unique) name, for there are domain sharks in cyberspace who use sophisticated software that harvest domain name inquiries; if you show too much interest in a name, these sharks will snap up your name for a song (say $5.00-10.00) and then offer it to you for a fortune: hundreds, even thousands of dollars.

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The Professor noticed this with a dot net extension of her real name; a domain shark offered to sell it to her for a horrendous price, but she already had the dot com extension, so she wasn't interested. By no means is The Professor a famous person, nor is her full name a common one or even all that interesting (from a domainer's parking or high roller reselling point of view), so the shark was stuck with a name he didn't need or want. He eventually allowed the registration to lapse, and the domain is once again available.

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Ho-hum. The Professor is still not interested. If, by some wild fluke, she senses fame on the horizon (ha!), then, perhaps, she shall snag the available extensions. In the meantime, she's quite content with her dot com.

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If your name happens to be a common one, such as John or Jane Smith, then you are probably out of luck on all counts, even on the other top level domain (TLD) extensions, such as net, org, info, biz, and us. Curse your forty-something parents for not being more creative and proactive--they should have sensed the internet on the horizon. If you have a unique middle name, such as "kumquat," then you might still have hope of getting a dot com. If not, coin a term that seems to describe you, add it to your dreadfully common name, snag the dot com domain for it, and announce to family, friends, enemies, and strangers that you have changed your middle name.

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There are a lot of dot com permutations still out there and new words to be coined.

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Just ask The Professor.

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Otherwise, I have no good answers for you.

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Stay tuned for our announcement of ____________.com.

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Ms. Snark

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Antioch College to Close?

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If you were planning to attend Antioch College, you might want to consider looking at and applying to other colleges or start unloading your college crates and filling out applications to Wal-Mart and McDonalds.

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Evidently, the college is in desperate financial shape and will close for four years while they get their finances in order.

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Hmmm. That'll work, I'm sure.

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Ya think alumni will throw buckets of money at that sinking ship?

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Evidently, some Antioch folks are not taking the news with grace; I can't say that I blame them.

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Ms. Snark

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Sleuthing Your Future Professors: The College Website, Search Engines, and RateMyProfessors

As an incoming freshman, you will have little, if any, choice of professors. Not that it matters--with your lack of history with the college, you wouldn’t know who to select anyway.
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But all is not lost; at this point, you may not have too many options, but you can get ahead of the game by checking out your professors beforehand.
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Knowledge is power. The more you know about your professors, the better you can prepare for The First Day.
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Back in the old days, when The Professor was a lowly college student, she had to take much on faith and hope that she would not get too skunked in the classroom.
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However, modern technology has opened up the world to you. You no longer have any excuse to claim ignorance about your future professors.
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The College Website. The Professor recommends that you start here. If you don’t know your college URL, simply Google your college name and city, and it should pop up with an .edu extension. All legitimate U.S. colleges and universities have an .edu extension; otherwise you may end up on a spoof porn site (see the Wikipedia entry on Whitehouse.com, now a “respectable” site)
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Many colleges offer online faculty rosters, which tell you, at a minimum, your professor’s educational history, from undergraduate to graduate school, including degrees earned; the year he/she was hired; and department affiliation. Some schools include a photograph of each faculty member and a short professional bio, including significant publications and awards--colleges love trotting out their faculty stars.
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A professor’s year of hire can offer you a ballpark estimate of age, although this is not entirely reliable and probably does not matter anyway. An online photograph can also be deceiving--a young-looking swain might actually be much older. Some profs are reluctant to update their photographs.
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Your professor may have a website on the college server, but don’t expect much from it. Faculty websites tend to be sorry works-in-progress, often created at website training sessions and then forgotten. (The Professor’s college website is a total embarrassment and desperately hopes that Google bypasses it--her misleading photograph depicts a toothless frowzy frump, though she still has all of her front teeth, thank you).
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For good reasons having to do with the patchy nature of college servers, most savvy faculty webmasters snag dot.com domains in their own names and create commercial websites. They also establish commercial e-mail addresses and publish them in their syllabi (more on this in a later post).

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College servers tend to go down at inopportune times, being particularly vulnerable during finals’ week.
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The Professor has a lovely college web page on a commercial website and can publish anything she wants on it without fear of censorship from a fusty IT administrator. Furthermore, her students can e-mail her 24/7--though she tends not to immediately answer frantic messages fired off at 3:00 a.m., even if she’s still up and surfing Swizzle Stick websites.
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Search Engines: Google, Yahoo!, DogPile, etc. After you have exhausted your college website, Surfing several search engines should be your next step. Here you will discover if your prof is a technowhiz or technophobe or, most likely, somewhere in between.
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Also, here is where you will find your technowhiz or in-between prof’s commercial web page, postings on forums, affiliations, and online syllabi.
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The absence of a commercial or any webpage reveals that your prof has not embraced the internet as an academic tool…
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Nothing more.
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Some of The Professor’s favorite people are technophobes who happened to have enjoyed their early and mid careers just fine without technology, thank you. Many of these fine folks have retired or are about to retire, having spent rich and diverse academic careers without a computer keyboard, e-mail address, or cell phone.
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You, dear student of a certain young age, cannot remember, but 20 years ago, very few academics had access to e-mail and web pages. Computers were MS-DOS based, 20-meg hard drives were the gold standard, and floppies were really floppy and big, measuring 5 ¼ inches. Printers requiring special spooled paper were dot matrix, and running one sounded like a blender grinding up bones.
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Our technological learning curve has been difficult and constant, so it should come as no surprise that some older faculty members have eschewed the new and the wired.
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These profs do not cave in to prevailing current opinion that one must be attached to a piece of technology in order to matter in this world. They still believe in The Print Syllabus, Handwritten or Typed Memos, The In-Person Meeting, and The Office Telephone as their main modes of communication. Professor Technophobe may still be a terrific teacher, but as he approaches his golden years, he sees no need jump on the technological learning curve bandwagon, for he views retirement on the horizon; he will soon be sipping cognac in a French restaurant.
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In Paris.
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If you twitch at the notion of picking up a phone or dropping in on your technophobe professor, you might want to consider transferring out of his class and finding someone who at least uses e-mail. The Professor regrets that you might do this, possibly missing out on the important knowledge of a seasoned professional, but she recognizes that we all have our personal comfort levels.
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No matter what technical skills your prof owns, his/her latest books, articles, and conference papers will be noted somewhere on the World Wide Web because a lot of what gets posted about people is out of their hands, such as…
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RateMyProfessors.com. Oh, how academics loathe this website, but The Professor would be remiss in not revealing this all-important student resource.
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Besides, by the time your feet hit campus, you will already have been introduced to RMP, so you might as well know the Truth about The-Website-Your-Professors-Don’t-Like-To-Discuss-But-Whisper-About-in-Hushed-Tones.
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Disclaimer: The Professor refuses to check her own RMP postings because she’s (1) not a glutton for punishment, (2) not interested in fashion tips from young people who wear pajamas to class, dye their hair pink, and pierce their lips, tongues, and eyebrows, and (3) not likely to find much advice that would help her become a better classroom lecturer.
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She knows all too well that RMP is where the disenchanted go to rant about the unfairness of this and that professor.
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The Professor already knows she has ticked off hundreds, maybe thousands, of students.
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But if you use RMP, you must learn how to separate the valid from the rant.
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For example, if you’re a studious and hard working person, a fact that a prof is “too hard” or “assigns too many papers” should not, by itself, scare you away.
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You like challenge, right?
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On the other hand, if you’re a “10 o’clock Scholar” whose five-year college plan involves a keg and a large beer stein as your unofficial major, you might want to consider a more flexible prof.
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A prof being accused of playing favorites and not giving everyone the same extra credit opportunity may be valid if the comment appears time and time again. Regular comments about a professor hitting on students may also be a red flag. On the other hand, “Professor Hunk is a hottie” has nothing to do with sexual harassment, but only posits an opinion by an overheated undergrad.
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Fashion assessments are rarely valid, unless the prof has a B.O. problem; dresses (ahem) provocatively; or regularly comes to class with his fly unzipped. Rumpled or hopelessly out of fashion covers many academics, and you will be hard put to find fashion plates for all your classes.
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The following complaints, if consistent and preferably backed up with specific examples, may be valid:
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----- ---The prof does not speak clearly or loud enough.
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----- ---The prof digresses too much, and lectures are difficult to follow.
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----- ---The prof seems unprepared and/or disorganized.
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----- ---The prof’s information seems out of date (most apparent in the social sciences, business, legal, accounting, biology, pre-med, IT areas).
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----- ---The prof speaks poor English and cannot be understood.
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----- ---The prof has distracting mannerisms.
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----- ---On the first day of class, the prof doesn’t distribute a syllabus or a link to an online version.
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----- ---Prof’s expectations, assignments, and/or grading system are unclear.
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----- ---Due dates are not clearly specified.
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----- ---The prof is either late for class, dismisses early, and/or cancels classes regularly.
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----- ---The prof is too easy (course work isn’t challenging enough).
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----- ---The prof is too difficult (course work is too challenging for the level of class).
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----- ---Prof doesn’t seem to really read papers he/she grades.
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----- ---Prof is too picky and writes too much on papers.
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----- ---Prof is unavailable for questions and clarification and often skips office hours without explanation.
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----- ---The prof doesn’t answer e-mails or return phone calls in a timely manner, if at all.
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----- ---The prof doesn’t return graded papers and tests in a timely manner.
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----- ---The prof makes unwanted sexual advances to students.
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However, the prof’s scruffy shoes, black nose hairs, or faded and funky duds should hardly act as deal breakers.
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Though your attire, should you decide to assume a Goth, revealing, or sloppy fashion statement, may raise a prof brow or two.
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We’ll surely gossip about you on Rate Your Students.

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Ms. Snark & The Professor will be posting more new info and amusing news soon. Check back often.

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The Professor

Your College Book List, Part II

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If you haven’t already checked it out, read Part I first.
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For some of your books, particularly books available as used editions, you might consider an online site, such as eBay’s Half.com. Like e-Bay, its parent site, Half.com is an online marketplace where individual sellers place their books, DVD’s, and CD’s up for sale, often at deep discounts, plus shipping. Sellers could be students who are unloading their books from the previous semester, book sellers/publishers with overstock, or even college bookstores with non-returnable stock to move out.
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Or con artists out to make a quick buck.
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When buying on any online site, you must remember your Latin: Caveat Emptor!
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Buyer Beware.
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Before buying from an online seller, bear in mind that his/her online feedback is your best friend, and a feedback score of less than 98.5% is less than stellar—not like in school where the “A” range is vast.
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In fact, in the cyberspace marketplace, anything less than 98% is close to flunking out.
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A 98% score is true cause for concern; an 88% is considered a cellar score—much lower than that, eBay NARU’s (verb) (Translation: Not A Registered User) the account. Kills it.
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RULE 1: READ at least the first three pages of feedback for your potential seller; it should be glowing, such as, “A+ seller, reasonable cost, fast and safe shipping, book delivered as described.”
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“Soft” positives are cause for concern, such as, “Got it a bit late.”
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Neutrals are not really neutral, but cowardly negatives. For your purposes, neutrals should always be viewed through the negative feedback lens.
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RULE 2: READ all negative and neutral feedback. eBay does not have a function for separating out a seller’s negatives and neutrals from the positives, but toolhaus does. Just go to the toolhaus site and plug in the seller’s eBay I.D.
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If a seller has a large number of feedbacks, toolhaus may be a bit poky, but it’s well worth the wait; Ms. Snark and the Professor are often quite shocked by the biting negatives bestowed upon some lazy and ethically-challenged vendors, and they refrain from bidding on their goods.
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One or two negative feedbacks may not be a cause for concern; The Professor understands that there are churlish buyers who will bestow a negative if their precious book isn’t beamed to them by Scotty.
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However, look for trends, such as “AWFUL SELLER, DON’T BUY! Product not as described, smells like s**t and torn, took two months to ship.”
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Run like the wind.
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RULE 3: Buy only from sellers who accept credit cards through Paypal—no matter their feedback score. In the case of a seller/buyer dispute, Paypal tends to rule in favor the buyer. In the rare instance where Paypal rules against the buyer, your credit card company will do a chargeback, which means you’ll get most of your money back.

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Just don’t make chargebacks a habit; that is called “fraud,” and credit card companies hate losing money, especially through fraudulent activities and will pursue credit card cheaters assiduously.
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RULE 4: If you feel hinky about a seller, don’t buy; find another seller. Trust your sixth sense. It’s a humungous marketplace, and like finding a mate, you’ll eventually find the right book at the right price from the right seller.
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If you do buy your books from an online vendor, don’t expect generous return policies. If your course is cancelled or your professor turns out to be Dr. Perv and you must exit quickly, you are probably stuck with an expensive doorstop.
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Or are fated to starting a new career as a seller on Half.com.
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The College Bookstore. College textbook publishers seem to change editions like a fuss budget changes her underwear: often.
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Or so it seems.
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If you happen to come along during an edition turnover, then you might as well buy your book from the college bookstore.
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You will pay an inflated price, but you will also enjoy some protections, especially if your course has been cancelled or if you decide to drop the class during the drop/add period. Most college bookstores will buy back your book at full price if you meet the following conditions:
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1. You present your original receipt with the book.
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2. You have not written in the book (and that includes your name).
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3. The book is in its original mint condition.
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My tip: don’t scribble in your book until you are certain that the course is a “go.”
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Treat it like the Crown Jewels.
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The Professor is often asked whether students should refrain from scribbling in their books at all. Well, actually, that is a white lie; no one really cares what she thinks on that matter, and quite frankly, in her humble opinion, the professor sees, during the last week of classes, far too many pristine books.
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She is a firm believer in annotating her margins with great gusto, but is resigned to the reality of books flying back to the bookstore during Buyback Week.
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The Professor still has all her college textbooks, even those hoary old math texts she hated so.
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Why?
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She does not know.
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Stay tuned for more useful information.

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Disclaimer: Ms. Snark & The Professor offer this post for informational purposes only and are not responsible if you screw up.

Ms. Snark Still Seeking Her Identity

I see that Ms. Snark has yet again switched her photograph...

I trust that she will eventually settle on her self hood?

The Professor

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The May 29 change was truly a frightening sight. I came back from vacation, booted up, signed on, and that horrible picture jumped out at me; I looked as though my skin was burning up and melting into plastic. What was I thinking? Ugh! I decided to soften myself up slightly.

Just to dispel any possible myths: I am not Miss Snark (the literary agent) in another skin. I promise you that I'm another person, and my purpose for this blog is not the same as the now-retired esteemed Miss Snark's.

Speaking of retirement: I misspoke when I said that the Foetry people had gone away entirely. It seems as though one of the former members has started a blog called Post Foetry. Hmmmm. Wonder what's up with that?

The blog seems a bit flaccid, though, having none of the punch of the original forum. Too bad. Maybe no one cares about the state of literature????? I see a real fizzle here.

Within the next week, I'll be posting some more useful information for incoming freshmen.

But for now, I must unpack and unwind--shake the sand from my feet, and nurse the sunburn from too much surf and sea.

Ms. Snark